so I gave my parents another chance - phoenix spent easter in spain and all was fine - now I let them have Phoenix for the summer -

He left with my mother end of July 2008 - I called Phoenix after the 1st week on a saturday night we chat and he tells me that my parents told him not to tell me that my sister was flying down there in august - against my wishes-

You must know my mom promised before she left with Phoenix that in case my sister would decide to go to spain while Phoenix is there my mom would bring him back to me. When I then confronted her - she changed this to - "if you want him you come and get him" I am getting madder by the minute - looking for flights down there - I tell her ok I'm flying down tomorrow, bring him to the aiport - her and my dad refuse to bring Phoenix to the airport  by this time I'm yelling at my parents - I'm crying my mom is crying they then put phoenix on the phone ...... and on and on and on. totally unacceptable... I am SO DONE with my family

So I got really really physically sick and had to go see my doctor for help - I got some meds to calm me down and to be able to sleep.

I finally flew down to Spain on August 5th (my Birthday - Happy Birthday to me ;-)  )  - spent the day with my very good friend Kirsten and flew back home the following day.

Then I drove Phoenix to Belgium to a summer camp from the Luxembourg RED CROSS so he could still enjoy his summer and I had to get back to work someday...  I've been seeing a Therapist (for the 1st time in my life !!) to help me cope and understand (something I should have done a long time ago - I could have saved myself so much hurt).


Below is my OPEN LETTER to my mom, dad and sister

I am ANGRY, DISAPPOINTED with the 3 of you

 

Jose & Bernard
-           because you continuously LIE to me
-           because you do not RESPECT ME
-           because you do not LISTEN to ME
-           because you do not value ME or my opinion
-           because you are trying to manipulate me and Phoenix
-           because you live in DENIAL about the things that were said
-           because you keep making BAD DECISIONS and tell me it’s not your fault
-           because you DO NOT take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions
-           because I can not believe you are trying to make me the BAD ONE
-           because you do not acknowledge that this began with HER comments about Americans a long time before we even moved back to Europe
-           because you told Phoenix to lie to me and then that it was his fault there was this fight because he did not keep his mouth shut – you should be ashamed of yourselves he’s just a child

 I do not want my Patricia to be in my Phoenix’ life because of the hurtful things she did in 2006 the comments she made about Americans, the insults and lies per sms, the way she treats Jose and Bernard and how she is driving a wedge between all of us.

 I will not let you treat me or Phoenix like this anymore.

 I will protect MY family (Lydia Kepa and Phoenix ) by removing myself from this situation.

 I have given you too many chances and every single time you go behind my back. Enough is enough!!!

 I have no more expections – however here are my conditions going forward.

 Jose & Bernard – You need to apologize and take responsibility for your actions  - you can come visit Phoenix at MY HOUSE under MY conditions anytime I won’t let you take him anywhere unsupervised!!!

 Patricia if you ever come around and decide to apologize for your behaviour you know where you can reach me – in the meantime – stay away from me and MY family!!!

.................to be continued.......................


it is out now in the open - I feel liberated and calm - I can focus on my family again -
MY FAMILY !!! which means Phoenix Kepa and myself - they are the only people that really matter !!!

so I made it almost through this 2nd month of 2008, being on my own again for 4 moths with Kepa deployed I am beat - tired - exhausted... but if that weren't enough last Wednesday Feb 20 I was getting ready to head out to work opened the garage door, took 1 step and before I could even realize that the driveway was completely frozen I had already slipped and hit the back of my head on the pavement. I distinctly remember the nasty sound when my head hit the ground. In the moment after the fall I was more mad than hurt - that must be the adrenaline and shock kicking in. I was really lucky not to break any limbs and also I didn't have a gushing wound on my head - after a ride to the emergency room in the ambulance (Phoenix got to ride with me) and a couple of shots to reduce the swelling and help with the pain, (YES the pain did set in after a short while when the adrenaline wore down.) I was discharged from the hospital after the Doc was convinced I did not have a concussion. I then spent the rest of the afternoon with an icepack on my head and neck and lots of pain meds.

This freak accident reminded me how precious our lives are and how quickly they can be taken away from us - in an instant - GONE.
Phoenix got really scared during this whole ordeal and also told me he doesn't want me to be hurt or die like EVER!!..

make the most of every day because you just never know

... not such a Happy beginning for me, but hey we're just getting started right?!

The backstory being too long to be told here... to sum it up Family drama - betrayal - I am MAD as hell and have the daunting task on hand to explain to my 6 year old son that his 'tati' (my sister) is a racist and a hippocrit . She was not supposed to have any contact to Phoenix following a falling out we had last year, you must just know that she hates Americans(because they are all related to BUSH right?!)  - well I married one 7 years ago and our Son is just as American as his Daddy is, so I told her to stay away from my child. My parents are visiting this week and were watching Phoenix on Wednesday (the 2nd day of this brand new year) and allowed my sister to come next to my son and give him a present too.  When I picked him up and discovered what happened I felt betrayed and rage boiling up in me. I did not make a scene in front of my child but I cried all the way home in the car. Why are people so stupid?!?!?!  What the heck was the point of this ?

Phoenix says I hate Christmas just like the Grinch - and I correct him saying that 'Mommy doesn't hate Christmas, I just don't like it....'

So yet another year with Hubby deployed during the holidays, our Tree has been up since before Thanksgiving!!!  I have pretty much been overexposed to the x-mas decorations....  I am so ready to take that thing down and stash away the ornaments..seriously!!

It was a very calm couple of days - Phoenix misses Daddy an awful lot but nothing a pile of toys under the tree on x-mas morning wouldn't cure for the day. No dinners - no family just the left behind Kahihikolo tribe spending time together eating cookies drinking hot cocoa and watching holiday favorites like 'Nightmare before Christmas' and of course the 'Grinch' .

And on the 26. in the morning we get SNOW!!!! did I mention I hate Winter and subsequently the SNOW !!!!

Happy Holidays

Lydia